There are a lot of different paths people follow on their way to becoming hotwives. There are negatives and positives on almost any path.
Swinging your way into being a hotwife seems to be the most common way hotwifing comes about for those couples who consider themselves to be Stags and Vixens.
Swinging your way into being a hotwife also seems to be one of the two paths that most regularly leads to long-term hotwifing that also bolsters a marriage.
What I mean by swinging your way into being a hotwife is that you start out as a couple who participates in the swinger lifestyle, but it eventually leads to more of a hotwife scenario.
The other of the two paths that most regularly leads to long-term hotwifing and also bolsters a marriage is when both people in the marriage have had what most people would consider promiscuous, at least semi-adventurous lifestyles, and also happen to both have very little sexual jealousy if any at all.
In this scenario, one member of the couple brings up the topic or it is brought up some other way and both almost immediately decide it is something to try out. Usually, it is not a big deal to them, and if they both like it we have a newly minted hotwife and husband to a hotwife. If they don’t they just go on as if it was not a big deal.
There are a lot of hotwives who have excellent marriages and find hotwife activities a net-positive who became hotwives in that way.
That isn’t how most hotwives become hotwives though.
The majority of hotwives became hotwives because their husband had the idea and nagged or begged their wives into trying it over various periods of time. Months, or years it doesn’t matter. In general, a lot of hotwives give it a try because their husbands talked them into it or maybe even brainwashed them into it.
If they continued hotwifing and their marriage wasn’t destroyed over whatever hotwife games they experimented with, it was usually due to their husband’s initial reaction. Did he appreciate her more or less? Was he thrilled or jealous? Sometimes a man isn’t ready to get what he is asking for.
The most common way people experiment with hotwifing is this way, and it is both perilous and possibly the least successful method if we are considering success a case of it being fun for all and a plus for the marriage.
This method can cause anger, resentment, guilt, and confusion. None of those things seem like positives to me.
I’ll note here that this scenario plays out in reverse as well. It is not as common, but some hotwives push their husbands into it in the same manner. There seems to be slightly more long-term success if the woman is the instigator, but not much. All of this is based on personal observations. Nobody has done a study on this particular thing or compiled any sort of long-term data. It is what I have seen and noted personally.
The takeaway on all that I said above should be that unless you were both highly adventurous, as in have played around with kinks and group sex already in your pasts, both have body counts well into the double digits and are both not jealous types swinging your way into being a hotwife is the safest and best route to take if you want hotwifing to be a net positive in your relationship.
Obviously, that route won’t work if either of you has a cuckolding kink. Note here that for a hotwife cuckold scenario to work the male must be really into the idea. It simply can’t be forced.
Since this site is primarily about Vixen Games and the Vixen and Stag dynamic I’m not going to address any cuckolding scenarios in this one. I’ll instead be sticking to hotwifing as it applies to couples who aren’t into cuckolding.
This need not be considered a Vixen and Stag-specific topic though. Just note I am talking about hotwife scenarios where both the husband and wife derive a sense of satisfaction from the activities.
Also, no matter what your motivations are I suggest starting slow with any hotwife games or swinging. I’ve got a previous post on how to start slow with hotwifing HERE – Starting Slow With Hotwife Games.
So why does swinging your way into being a hotwife tend to produce the best results for long-term hotwifing and extra-happy marriages?
There are two main answers to this one.
Or maybe I should say it seems to play out in two different ways that lead to the same place in the end depending on the participants’ personalities and motivations.
The first way it plays out is if you have a husband who truly thinks his wife is the cat’s whiskers. His wife must be well aware of this and enjoy being seen as the exemplar of sexuality and beauty to her husband.
The combination of what the husband and the wife think while partaking in swinging makes for a strange type of swinging dynamic compared to what most swingers experience. The husband consciously or subconsciously keeps a heavy focus on what his wife is doing and how she looks and behaves. He gets off on that more than whatever else he is doing. The wife consciously or subconsciously knows this is the case so her awareness is spread much of the time between her actions and her husband’s viewing of her which makes her often put on a bit of a show with either actions, sounds, or even words.
The husband who considers his wife the embodiment of sexiness and pleasure itself also is in a strange situation of comparison at all times. He may play with an attractive woman, but in each case, no matter how pleasurable the experience it serves as a reminder of how amazing his own wife is and how lucky he is to have her. He also will often think about what it is the other man is experiencing with his wife and how lucky that man is to be able to sample what he considers the quintessence of pleasurable sex.
His wife on the other hand slowly learns to enjoy her husband’s appreciation of her even more because each occasion of playing makes that appreciation deeper. She also learns that the more of a Vixen she acts, the more of a show she puts on, the more she does, and the more he focuses on her as that embodiment of sexiness and pleasure which he believes she is, the more she wants.
Most couples who get into swinging start and stick with a quid pro quo type arrangement where they each play the same. Usually, it is a direct swap, and then done.
In this scenario, it becomes apparent that the husband very much enjoys his wife wanting and having more play than he has. He learns to enjoy just watching her as much or more than swapping. This is especially true if they did swap and she continues to play without him but in his sights. It cements into his mind how much of a sexual creature she is, how lucky he is, and that his views of her which are now based on recent comparisons are true. He has been with another, he is now viewing his wife, and in his mind, everything he thinks about her is once again validated.
It is because of this that it is usually the male half of the couple who slowly steers the play toward hotwifing more than swinging. Consciously or subconsciously he has started to guide the play situations towards a situation where he is the viewer and she is the only star in the show.
Interestingly she as the wife will often start pushing for the swinger couple swap scenario. Again it is not always a conscious thing, but she has learned to enjoy how her husband views her when validation of her status as the most amazing woman on earth is fresh in his mind. She enjoys his seeing her that way.
If she is truly tuned in she most likely will prefer the sexual scenarios where she is the player and he the viewer, but will be seeking these swap scenarios mostly to achieve that validation in her husband’s mind of how hot she is. At this point in the game, she is usually the primary selector of couples as well. Her husband has little care as long as she is happy.
The end result is often a Stag and Vixen couple. They swing a bit, but it is all about her and she plays as a hotwife the majority of the time. He gets off on her getting off and being sexy when she plays. She gets a power lift and ego boost if he’s played. It enhances her hotwife activities. It permeates their relationship, becomes part of their overall dynamic, and makes them a closer team with each person dependent on the other for something that can’t be had in any other manner.
Now let us look at the other way it often plays out.
A couple decides to try out the swinger lifestyle.
It seems a good fit, works well, and they enjoy themselves.
In working their way into the swinger lifestyle they deal with all the things most couples deal with. These are things like dealing with jealousies and learning about each other’s likes, dislikes, and feelings in ways not known before.
There are ups and downs, and they work through them all.
They experiment. A few MFM threesomes may be in the mix.
It is often said that men want to get into swinging the most before the couple does it, and women want to continue swinging more than the male after they get into it. This is sometimes true, but not always.
Once jealousies have been dealt with and the relationship sits strongly with the added fun associated with the swinger lifestyle all is good.
Many men learn to appreciate their wives more and vice versa. Men however are sometimes under pressure to perform while women always can. Men often slowly get less interested as they age, and now with the physical boundaries broken down when it comes to sex with others the idea of hotwifing seems valid. A man may get off without needing to perform, with no pressure. He may even develop a fetish for watching his wife who has gone from just a mundane housewife he associated with chores, children, and demands on his time after many years to a sexual being once again. She enjoys the sex and her husband thinks of her as a hottie who’s naughty. A hotwife is born.
In this scenario there is no goddess worship, nor is it always that the man wishes to watch. He may just like knowing. He may like to listen or to have her tell of adventures.
He may just like knowing that other men desire the person who is his wife.
She in turn gets to feel sexy and desired by both her husband and other men.
It is a win-win that was brought about by navigating the swinging scene together. There are no “if you do it I must be able to do it” sentiments. There is no jealousy over the physical aspects of it all, or if there is, it just fuels the fire between them in a good way. They learned how to deal with those things. There are no feelings of not fair, good for the goose, good for the gander. Also, back to the concept of cuckolding… a man who is part of a swinging couple that slowly turns into hotwifing via his own wishes won’t feel like a cuckold or like he is inferior. The wife won’t view him as one either. They may even swing on occasion, or the wife may “loan him out” to a friend. She’ll play ten times as much as he, maybe twenty times, but he won’t feel cheated on. He won’t feel betrayed or like she is allowed something he isn’t.
Remember I said it seems to usually play out in two different ways that lead to the same place in the end depending on the participants’ personalities and motivations. These two scenarios are often blended as well, and of course, there are other scenarios. Also, I will remind you that this is all based on personal observations. For all I know there may be something in the water in the areas I’ve lived that makes this be how people behave. That was a joke, my point being that I have limited personal observations as well. Less limited than most, but geographically I’m limited, and that means culturally I’m limited as well. West Coast USA, South East USA, South West Canada, Touch of Germany. I’ve known multiple people who’d be classified as hotwives currently from all those places. Known them in the way required to consider my personal observations valid. I’ve been to lifestyle parties and clubs all over the USA and Canada. For much of my life, most of the people I associated with were monogamish.
Culture and geography can make a difference.
Maybe I should have titled this one Swinging your way into being a hotwife on the West Coast of North America.
Anyway, I’m not suggesting if you are a serial monogamist or actual monogamist that you should take up swinging or hotwifing. To each their own. What I am pointing out is that where I have seen the most successful (as in happy and close) hotwife relationships is with couples who started out with the swinger lifestyle. In retrospect, I’d go so far as to say nearly all hotwives who had awesome relationships with their husbands and had been hotwifing for many years had at one point been involved in swinging or something similar.
Words are tricky, for example, the term “hotwife” wasn’t a thing. Swingers exist, but most who swing nowadays don’t do it like they did just 20 years ago. Open, semi-open, playful, and a few other terms were common descriptions or labels used for what we now call hotwives.
Times are changing, but we are still playing the same games.
Before you go swinging your way into being a hotwife check out this T-shirt design.
You can get this awesome T-shirt by following the link to it on our Vixen Games Design Board HERE – Everyone Needs a Hobby Pineapple Flipping T-shirt.
I thought this was the perfect design for this topic. “Everyone needs a hobby,” and pineapples flipping from right-side up to upside down. Yes, it was designed as a swinger lifestyle shirt. That was my intention, but that is kinda of the topic here, how certain types of hotwifing are connected and often start with swinging. This is especially true for Vixens and Stags.
Also, most people have no clue about hotwives or Vixens. In the end, more often than not we will say “Yes, like a swinger, we are swingers” when the need arises with vanilla people.
Maybe it is just a shirt for people who like to flip pineapples. That is probably someone’s hobby. Not talking about flipping vanilla people. We know some people have that hobby.
Don’t forget to jump over to the Vixen Games Design Board for the Tee before you go swinging your way into being a hotwife – HERE – Everyone Needs a Hobby Pineapple Flipping T-shirt.
Then after you get done Swinging your way into being a hotwife if you so choose to do so… check out the rest of our stuff. Check this page out to find it all Where To Get Our Vixen Hotwife & Stag Shirts.