The term “wife sharing” has always been a bit thorny to me as a guy who doesn’t exactly think of it as “sharing” per se.
She is mine, I’m possessive, and I don’t share.
People sometimes use the term “wife sharing” in place of wife swapping or swinging. If used to replace wife-swapping, husband-swapping, or partner-swapping it makes sense if you are thinking in a way of ownership and dominance. You own her, therefore you can share her.
As noted, I am possessive. She is possessive too though, so we possess each other. Neither of us “share.”
It is all in the semantics. Being a shared wife is not synonymous with having a dominant and possessive husband in our culture even if it sounds like it should be.
Instead, it has become just a way to say that the woman in marriage is allowed under certain conditions to engage in sexual activity with people outside that marriage.
Usually, this means the woman is part of the swinger lifestyle or she is a hotwife of some sort.
It has no other connotations attached to it in our current society.
Basically, a shared wife is a wife who engages with others besides her husband sexually for recreational purposes with her husband’s knowledge and consent.
Originally the terms “wife sharing” and “wife swapping” did have a bit of male dominance and a seeming ownership quality to them, but usually only from the outside looking in when it came to monogamous people looking at swingers. From the very beginning in the American recreational sex scene, despite the terms used spouse swapping and other forms of swinging gave a place of power to the wife more often than not.
The “no means no” rule dates back to the beginning of the trend which pretty much started with the creation of good, easy-to-use, and safe birth control.
Being a shared wife was in a majority of cases empowering and liberating for the women who partook in the activities.
Exceptions existed obviously, as they always do.
Recreational sex is not for everyone. Nonmonogamy is not for everyone.
There are many cases of spouses being not on the same page when it comes to such things, and as a result, having a bad time.
In the 80s wife sharing aka partner swapping aka wife swapping aka swinging fell out of vogue.
This was mostly because conservatism was on the rise, the “Free Love” movement of the 70s was looked at in a bad light, and the aids epidemic hit the world in a scary way.
Feminism was gaining traction like never before, and terms like “Wife Sharing” seemed not so cool.
During the 90’s the swinger lifestyle came back in full swing. With it came a bunch of politically conservative swingers. They didn’t embrace the old terms. They instead ditched “spouse swapping” for the generic “swapping” as if everyone would know what it meant. They did. No words like wife, husband, or spouse needed to be added.
The 90s had a good scene, but it was very cut and dry, to the point swapping overall compared to what emerged in the late 90s and early 2000s.
These were great years for parties with a massive blend of people.
Many of the clubs upped their game when it came to entertainment, and because of the internet special themed and select groups formed in most cities that would throw their own big parties.
People relaxed, mingled, and yes… had sex with each other.
They also started bringing back old terms and creating new ones.
When the hosts of the parties are a bunch of women who are in charge with their husbands as their helpers it is not easy to think of misogyny or male chauvinism as part of the game.
If by chance you are reading this and are just a curious vanilla that has never met any swingers or hotwives I will tell you that women rule the game. They hold the most power overall as both individuals and as a group when it comes to such activities.
This is even true in cases where there is dominance and submission play added to the mix with the men being the dom.
Everything is consensual, and that submissive who is a swinger has laid down her rules and the dom plays within them.
Being a shared wife was never a slur, nor was it meant to be demeaning like some terms were.
A couple of days ago I posted about Hotwifing labels and slurs.
Wife sharing was just a descriptive of its time that slowly faded away, but then in the 2000s started creeping back into vogue as people who were a bit more fun and open besides just in the bedroom started jumping into the swinger lifestyle. They played with it as something fun to say. It became endearing even in some cases and was played upon. Sharing is caring, sharing your hunny, etc.
Part of it was the internet allowed people to realize millions of people were sharing. The internet allowed people to meet each other easily and then once vetted by a few couples meet tons more.
Within those groups there was no shame about what they were doing, so within those groups, they could live it up. “We share.”
Outside those groups, it was all secrecy for most, but not all.
Being a shared wife was nothing to be ashamed of. Being a shared husband wasn’t either.
Many women felt proud that their husbands were secure enough in their relationship to share.
Pretty cool.
It wasn’t until recently that people started using terms like hotwife or vixen in the way they do now.
In general, hotwives were considered swingers, and some of them are. It is a bit different though. You can read about what a Vixen is if you are unsure on this post… Vixen Definition From Vixen Games.
Many Hotwives especially like the term “shared wife.” Some use it a lot. Being a shared wife is sexy to them, and they are often into the idea that their husbands “share” them.
I’ve noted the same thing with women who are swingers but are allowed to play either solo or more than their husbands. Often they embrace the term as it stresses that they belong to their husband in some special way, but also get to have extra cake. Yes, they get to have their cake and eat it too.
Will the phrase “Wife Sharing” ever be the big one again? Nope, but some use it again, and the only people who get bent out of shape from it being used who are in the swinging or hotwifing lifestyle seem to be the really old grumpy people who get bent out of shape by pretty much anything. They and those people the internet has humorously dubbed “Karens.”
Almost makes me want to add it to my profile just to avoid those people.
As I said in the bugging of this though, it isn’t something that sits comfortably with me personally because I don’t consider myself to be sharing. What we do is for us. It is us. I’m not sharing my Vixen and she isn’t going to share either. Sexual shenanigans sure, but always together as Vixen and Stag, and it is for us.
For those of you who do like the phrase, and if you are a woman who is proud of your husband and of being a shared wife, I give you this cool design. It is meant to look like an old-school light-up sign.
As usual, it is available as a T-shirt.
You can check it out on the Vixen Games Designs Board HERE – My Husband Shares T-shirt.
The cool thing about a T-shirt like this is that for people living a monogamous and vanilla lifestyle, the saying could mean anything. It doesn’t jump out at you in a way you can be 100% sure what it is about even if you are in the lifestyle.
If I saw it on a woman I’d wonder, but unless there were some other tells I’d still just be left scratching my head.
That is saying a lot because I’ve been a playful guy for a very long time so my swinger radar is pretty darn good.
Now if you added some pineapple earrings anybody who is in the lifestyle will get the hint most likely.
Still safe in vanilla land, but if you double up like that the other play people will probably catch on and possibly say hi.