Never thought we’d have a post titled “When husbands push for hotwifing to the point of annoyance” on Vixen Games. There are a lot of men in the world who are married to women that they absolutely adore and they wish would at least entertain the idea of hotwifing, but the wife isn’t into the idea.
A lot of these same men have made the huge mistake of pushing the idea on their wife to the point it annoys her and has made the entire topic of hotwife play a bit stressful.
The situation may have become one where the husband can no longer feel free to share his fantasies. Such situations can rapidly progress to less sharing of thoughts and feelings in general.
A couple that can’t share their thoughts with each other is not a couple in a healthy relationship.
The best solution here is in my opinion to have a long sit down and for the husband to first acknowledge the wife’s feelings, then explain that he has these fantasies and desires, but knows they are just that. This is the truth because for hotwifing to take place it must be something both parties in a relationship are into. In this case the wife isn’t into it.
Marriage requires compromise.
In this case the next part of the discussion should be about that.
This compromising should include the fact that hotwife activities are completely off the table. It should include that the husband agrees to NOT talk about hotwifing being a maybe or a future activity at all unless the wife decides it is a topic and brings it up as such first.
So, what are we giving each other as a compromise?
Some very vanilla additions to life that can still add some spice.
Adding these things to life may play on the husband’s fantasies and yet require no activities or pushing towards actual hotwifing or a future involving it.
First the husband must look at this little list and decide if he would like these activities or not.
He should state which ones he likes, which ones are just okay, and which ones he doesn’t like.
Next the wife should look at the list and state which ones she likes, which ones are just okay, and which ones she doesn’t like.
Anything that they both like should be a for sure, anything with one liking and the other thinking is just okay should be a go as well. Anything with either person disliking should be dropped.
Once you have this list all sorted out you should as a couple add it into your regular lives.
The husband should agree to NOT asking for anything else to be added and NOT talking about or asking for anything more for a term of six months. If you are wondering why the husband should agree to that just look at the title of this post again… When husbands push for hotwifing to the point of annoyance. Sometimes shutting up is a good thing.
At the end of six months the couple can go through the list again and reevaluate and start over.
- The wife will agree that whenever they are out and about as a couple she will tell her husband if she sees a man or woman that she finds attractive. She need not point the person out. She may if she pleases. This can be modified for fun by adding in that the husband may guess who it is. Personally I think one guess is all that should be allowed. It’ll keep his brain on it later if he guesses wrong or right.
- The wife will agree to wear a sexy and revealing outfit to go out to dinner once a month with the husband. The level of sexy and revealing is up to the wife. The goal is for her to push her own boundaries by dressing as provocatively as she can while still being comfortable enough to enjoy the evening. The husband will in turn NOT ask for more revealing or sexier attire, but will instead make a point to enjoy the vision of his wife dressed as provocatively and sexy as she feels comfortable. I needed mention that because the same sorts of husbands who push for hotwifing with reluctant wives also are prone to push in other ways to a point of discomfort and annoyance. Just enjoy the show.
- More of the same, but casual wear. Get her some T-shirts or hoodies that are a bit flirty. We aren’t talking straight up hotwife vixen stuff. Obviously suggestive, obviously inviting, but also explainable in other ways such as this Tickle my fancy soft suggestive T-shirt or this Make me Purrrr T-shirt with a cute kitty. Any cat lover could wear this. Who doesn’t love a quick snack in the middle of the night? I certainly raid the refrigerator sometimes. Check this Midnight Snack T-shirt easily explained away as a snack lovers shirt, yet it is still suggestive. I’d suggest this Everyone Wants To Eat Me Gingerbread Tee for a ginger wife. In this case ask her to wear them regularly, but at her own convenience. Could just be around the house even. It’s all about thinking and vibing with naughtiness. Yes those are our Tees and yes I’m pitching them to you, but that’s because we are T-shirt makers. We don’t sell toys, but I’m about to tell you to get those too.
- Add toys to the bedroom mix if you haven’t already. Get some very realistic dildos. Different sizes and shapes, but realistic. Name them male names and call them by those names. We have one called Big Larry. He rarely comes out to play, but he does and he is called that always. Make a dildo date night once a month. The Husband can control the dildo and the wife can pick which one. You now have a wife saying “I’m in the mood for Larry tonight.”
- Delving into the past is something some Husbands get off on and something some wives are comfortable with because it is just the past. If this is you you can add this to the bedroom experience by having the husband give oral to the wife and the wife may tell of previous sexual experiences in detail while it’s happening. This will stimulate the imagination for both people in a way that is fitting to some peoples hotwifing desires. The husband should attend to pleasuring the wife during such activities and NOT ask questions. Just let her go with it in her own comfortable way to whatever level she is good with. The goal for her is to eb as explicit as possible within her own comfort zone. I’ll add in here that for me I would give this a zero. I am into what is now and what is the future.
- Share sexy pictures and gifs you find on the internet with each other. Set a goal amount like say five pictures or gifs each Friday. With each picture you say what turns you on about them. Don’t judge each other on the pictures. The goal here is to share, learn each others turn ons, etc. I’d even go so far as to say a rule of not commenting on what was sent may even be good for some couples.
- The audio book massage. Here is finally where you get your hotwife specific theme going on. Set a schedule of once a week, once a month, whatever works… and set your wife up nice and comfy. If you’re super serious about this you may even want to invest in a table. In this situation what is happening is the husband gives a relaxing full body massage to the wife while you jointly listen to an audio book with the subject being hotwifing erotica. I’ll say that most of it out there is terrible and not realistic at all, but that’s okay. Just go with it. The husband massages, the wife gets massaged, and the husband keeps his moth shut. No commenting on the story. Like the story or hate it, shut up. This is a full body massage, not a start to massage and turn it into sex thing. Set a time like one hour or half an hour. Again, whatever works. At the end of the massage if the wife wishes to instigate something more intimate that is fine, but the husband won’t under any circumstances. His job is to massage.
That’s it. Use the ones that work. Don’t stray from the rules. The goal here is to fix the problem the pushy husband created with the reluctant wife. The goal here is not to get the wife into hotwifing.
Obviously if this goes well and there was no pushing from the husband some other fun and extra spicy games can be added when reevaluating at the six months point.
Comfort, trust, and open communication are required for hotwifing anyway.
If a husband has pushed his wife to the point of annoyance and it’s become a problem hotwifing isn’t a great idea for the near future unless the goal is drama, fighting, and possible divorce.
Lastly, I’d suggest you both read this entire page. If you are a wife frustrated with a husband who won’t shut up about it you can know you aren’t alone and your husband reading this may help him understand what he has done.
If you are a husband who has pushed the topic to the point you have created a problem ask your wife to read this so she knows her husband isn’t the only one who has done it and so she knows you are at least understanding that you created a problem and are wishing a solution.
This entire post was created because I/we get messages on our various social media accounts from from both men and women revolving around when husbands push for hotwifing to the point of annoyance pretty regularly.
I find it strange because if you are in this situation you aren’t our target audience. We sell T-shirts for Vixen Hotwives, Stags, Bulls, Swingers, etc.
We aren’t counselors for vanillas who are having problems.
I am a long time experienced person when it comes to nonmonogamy though so I feel I should at least attempt to give my advice based on pretty much seeing it all.
The fact is that most people are into serial monogamy. This is what society teaches. It’s the basic setting and that is what most people will stay with.
You date, maybe marry, you break up, you date, maybe marry, you repeat over and over and go through multiple people while calling it monogamy each time you are with someone new. That isn’t monogamy. That isn’t our target audience. Serial monogamy is not us. I always think “Why was this person looking at T-shirts for the monogamish?’
If you are a vanilla and want to learn more about the Vixen and Stag dynamic or about hotwifing in general we suggest you start with posts located under the tag For The Vanillas. Once you have cleared that up maybe head to the tag Hotwife University. Considering the topic here being When husbands push for hotwifing to the point of annoyance I’d suggest perusing posts under the tag Fantasy vs reality after that last one.
